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心灵鸡汤

几回梦里又高考

文/汤云明

我的高考已经过去25年了,我也从青春年少变成了头发斑白,在中年里奔走的人了。

尽管时间如此的快,它可以掩埋和遗忘很多的东西。但高考,这个人生的十字路口却时常会在睡梦中把我惊醒,让我无法释怀。

1992年的那次高考我没有考好,最喜欢、最有实力的科目也没有发挥出正常的水平,所以,悲伤的离普通专科录取分数线少了无法抵达的5分。后来,尽管一些面向本地的师范专科生、定向委培生下降了10多分录取,但我当初什么志愿也没有报过,当然也就不可能被录取。这样,我几乎与大学失之交臂了。

其实,那时的高考还真是不容易,即使在县上最好的高中,一个班也就10多人能考上大学,其中还大部分是复读生,也就是说,本来三年制的高中几乎被变了四年制。要想考上大学,就要读第四年,应届毕业生中只有尖子生才能有机会拼得出来。

认命吧,就在我交了补习费进入下一年的班上复读时,转机又出现了。父亲给我找了个自费生大专学校。我害怕高中生活的没日没夜,更害怕再次落榜的无奈,所以就答应了父亲的好意安排。那时候刚刚开始尝试实行大学招生自费与公费双轨制,一般公费生叫全国统一招生,毕业后包分配工作,自费生就叫国家计划内自费生,按政策是“可工可干”。看各人的情况,毕业后可以和公费生一起由地方政府安排工作,也可以由父母所在单位内招,还可以是自谋职业。找个什么样的工作,就这要看各人的门路、造化和机遇了。

我所上的学校虽然不好,也没有名气,但我不敢辜负父母的期望,还是认真学习,几乎成了班上最刻苦的学生,也成了学校图书馆的“编外管理员”,管理员把图书阅览室的钥匙给我,让我可以随时出入,还顺便帮忙照看阅览室。所有学科成绩也还算优异。也就在这段较为苦闷的时间,我研读了很多关于文学和写作的书籍,开始了文学创作,上学期间,除了发表几十篇作品外,还有一点小稿费补贴生活。

两年以后,大专毕业,我的同学们,一些家在较为落后、边远地区的,由于本地每一年的大学毕业生少,自费生就可以和公费生一起由政府统一安排工作,当然,大多数是内招进入了父母的单位。我呢,父亲去找过所在单位和上级主管部门的领导,他们都不打算要,并以种种理由推辞。看着那些冰冷面孔,我也不想再为难年迈的父亲了,就和一家国有化工企业签订了入职协议。

九年后,我所在的国企改制成民营,又六年后,由于经济效益每况愈下,我咬牙辞职,并且招考成为了政府部门的合同制招聘人员。在企业的这十五年里,我当过车间设备维修工、生产操作工、党委宣传部宣传干事、厂报编辑,最后这几年又当生产管理人员。这些年,工作辛苦,生产生活环境又差,待遇低下,我的大好的青年时光就这样留在了这里。好在我一直坚持文学和新闻创作,让我在苦闷和无聊的生活中有了理想和精神寄托。这也成为我后来能顺利进入政府部门当办公室文员的优势和敲门砖。

也许,人的性格和命运难以改变,但我们可以通过自己的努力和奋斗去做一些争取,去创造改变命运的安排下的时间、机遇和空间。有几句话说得好:机遇只会留给有准备的人;就算有人想拉你一把,还得先要找到你的手在哪儿。

二十五年前的高考由于自己努力不够,发挥也不好,没能上个好大学,找个好工作,成为了我一辈子的痛。这些年来,我甚至于有些耿耿于怀。所以,时常会在梦里又进入了那个紧张的高中生活、考试中。好多次,我会在做题、考试或成绩中惊醒,等回过头来,那已经是过往烟云,今生今世不可能再重来、再企及。

擦干眼角的泪水,现实就在眼前。只有珍惜现在所拥有的一切,感恩在当下,好好的工作和生活每一天,关爱自己的亲人和家庭,修身养德,锻炼身体,做一个好人。这样,才对得起我流逝的青春时光和来过的高考岁月。

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